Yay Taylor Swift.
30 October 2010
24 October 2010
bendin over backwards, tryin to see clearer.
I think, sometimes, we tend to hold tight to memories because they are the only things that don't change while everyone and everything else does.
This weekend has been one of my favorites thus far, and it didn't involve anything completly outrageous; but i love it outrageously. Friday was my first day at ze starbucks, and then had a girls night involving wine and chick flicks. Saturday had work, and actually went on Facebook for the first time in two weeks. Shocking I made it. Then danced a while, and went on my longlong overdue coffee date. It was nice to runaway for a while, hang out and just be happy friends for a few hours. Lurching back to reality, I found the Phils lost, and I was falling asleep in jeans with my contacts in.
Now I'm doing wash, cleaning a bit. Found my bed. WOW. I'll study, do some artsy thangs, and go shizopping with Jame.
Everything is else is moving at its desired pace. I guess it's fine.
We must remind ourselves to be patient.
This weekend has been one of my favorites thus far, and it didn't involve anything completly outrageous; but i love it outrageously. Friday was my first day at ze starbucks, and then had a girls night involving wine and chick flicks. Saturday had work, and actually went on Facebook for the first time in two weeks. Shocking I made it. Then danced a while, and went on my longlong overdue coffee date. It was nice to runaway for a while, hang out and just be happy friends for a few hours. Lurching back to reality, I found the Phils lost, and I was falling asleep in jeans with my contacts in.
Now I'm doing wash, cleaning a bit. Found my bed. WOW. I'll study, do some artsy thangs, and go shizopping with Jame.
Everything is else is moving at its desired pace. I guess it's fine.
We must remind ourselves to be patient.
18 October 2010
follow.
"Baby girl you love that music", he said following a chest rattling cough.
"Yeah," she thought "it's beautiful ", as her body continued to twirl around and about.
"The best thin' bout that music is this ...and don' you never forgit it..."
The girl and the man locked eyes; weathered experience met youthful wonder.
"You are never lost, when you have music. Jus follow the song. "
She thought for a minute. Follow the song? How can a song tell me what to do?
The man could see she was confused.
"Forgit the nonsense bout your heart telling you thin's, becaus your heart only beats..those beats make a song; your song. Follow the song, an' you'll never go wrong."
16 October 2010
Count your blessings; chances are they are the only thing you can count on.
Another Saturday morning covered in bleach. Hands are scrubbed raw and back is sore. Beauty comes in all different shapes and costs. I feel accomplished; a sensation rare and foreign. It's comforting once in a while. Lately it seems to reside in the chemical concotion created on these Saturday mornings.
This tiny bit of foreshadowing is great, until I'm snatched back to the mundane reality of unstimulating circumstances. Today I plan on cramming everything into about 6-8 hours; projects papers dance parties alike. This rush of need to get dones will push me through. Tomorrow two of my favorite people in this living world are coming; any word you can think of barely compares to the boiling exictement that is building..
It's quite refreshing how I am barely pressing on the keys, and the flow of words pours through them. Only a few times has the backspace been hit.. due to the usual dyslexic typing [as you know occurs more often than not].
So what about death and crying. So what about disappointment and struggle. So what about betrayal and loss. So what about everything that is dragging me down, deeper and deeper into the cave. So what about it? You don't want to read about it, nor hear about it. Hell, I don't want to recognize it.
So I don't.
What is important, who is important, when where why of importance are born through the canal of such demonic trials.
I do not pick. I let them come to me. To prove themselves, itself, theirself.
As far as I'm concerned-right this very second- those who matter, have no idea.
If you're questioning is it me?
Am I a friend?
Well are you?
I can't say if you are or not. I am not a judge nor have the right TO judge anyone but myself.
Can you say the same?
This tiny bit of foreshadowing is great, until I'm snatched back to the mundane reality of unstimulating circumstances. Today I plan on cramming everything into about 6-8 hours; projects papers dance parties alike. This rush of need to get dones will push me through. Tomorrow two of my favorite people in this living world are coming; any word you can think of barely compares to the boiling exictement that is building..
It's quite refreshing how I am barely pressing on the keys, and the flow of words pours through them. Only a few times has the backspace been hit.. due to the usual dyslexic typing [as you know occurs more often than not].
So what about death and crying. So what about disappointment and struggle. So what about betrayal and loss. So what about everything that is dragging me down, deeper and deeper into the cave. So what about it? You don't want to read about it, nor hear about it. Hell, I don't want to recognize it.
So I don't.
What is important, who is important, when where why of importance are born through the canal of such demonic trials.
I do not pick. I let them come to me. To prove themselves, itself, theirself.
As far as I'm concerned-right this very second- those who matter, have no idea.
If you're questioning is it me?
Am I a friend?
Well are you?
I can't say if you are or not. I am not a judge nor have the right TO judge anyone but myself.
Can you say the same?
15 October 2010
God, I know you see she's getting tired, but she's not ready to sleep...
The past few days have been rough. Knockdown after knockdown, with an even worse bulldoser of news to flatten the days and put some things into perspective.
Maybe today I'll pray for the first time in a long time. What I've learned from prayer is that its more comforting to the prayee, because what's going to happen will no matter how long you put those hands together and beg to something you can't see.
Maybe today I'll pray for the first time in a long time. What I've learned from prayer is that its more comforting to the prayee, because what's going to happen will no matter how long you put those hands together and beg to something you can't see.
11 October 2010
ice cream sandwich poptart crumbs and folgers coffee rings.
We learn to adjust; to adapt and overcome. Right now I would like to adjust my footing and kick my door in because my keys lay on the otherside; leading to -yes- overcoming my obstacle. Onto Plan B-I will reign in my temper and watch Lilo and Stitch while attempting to start/finish one of my nursing papers..
I'm pretty much over the fact of projecting my life online-cue slapstick humor because I'm typing on a blog.. Lately I've become more and more weary of technology and into my privacy and discovering actually interesting things. I'm working on deleting my facebook because it really has lost his novelty. Yea, I've come back into contact with some friends, I can keep in touch with my broski, but the original idea of the social network scene has exploded and the toxic fumes are suffocating. I do want to get all of my pictures off of it though... idk either that or I'll delete a majority of the people because I really really don't care about them.
"you wreck everything you touch, why don't you try to make something for a change" - Lilo. Awe I never really heard that before. It's cute.
Guess I'll go draw for a bit then crack down on my stuff.
Ew, why did I just have the beginning of an anxiety attack...
I'm pretty much over the fact of projecting my life online-cue slapstick humor because I'm typing on a blog.. Lately I've become more and more weary of technology and into my privacy and discovering actually interesting things. I'm working on deleting my facebook because it really has lost his novelty. Yea, I've come back into contact with some friends, I can keep in touch with my broski, but the original idea of the social network scene has exploded and the toxic fumes are suffocating. I do want to get all of my pictures off of it though... idk either that or I'll delete a majority of the people because I really really don't care about them.
"you wreck everything you touch, why don't you try to make something for a change" - Lilo. Awe I never really heard that before. It's cute.
Guess I'll go draw for a bit then crack down on my stuff.
Ew, why did I just have the beginning of an anxiety attack...
03 October 2010
What gives life to an idea? Speaking about it. So, does that infer that if I don't talk about the idea milling around it doesn't make it real? I really want to. I want to tell someone, but it seems I'd rather live a boring life day in and day out and tell other to go jump do live; while I'm just afraid and cobwebs strangle my ideas.
Someone punch me when you see me. Knock the nonsense out. THanks.
Someone punch me when you see me. Knock the nonsense out. THanks.
01 October 2010
Art Therapy; and i might have just stolen this scene from a song.
All I can do is shake my head.
Locked myself in the apartment today; filling the silence with Rent and Across the Universe dvds. My skin was cracking as the pent up mixture of anxiety and fear overwhelmed my conscious and physical well being. I felt better breathing in the music and familiarity instead of the wretched mulch outside.
Through multiple mediums I was able to give a memory life; for the first time in years. The warmth and satisfaction I gained was odd. Best word I could comeup with..odd.
The line between dream and reality has been blurred as of late. Is it my dreams are the reality I want, or just a foreshadowing of deja vu..Both valid in a way, because I know the latter has happened. I've learned not to expect anything and in turn I am constantly surprised.
Dear confidence and faith; I miss you. please return to sender. It was stupid and naive to believe I could handle all of this without you. love me.
Dear Recurring Treasured Memories,
Beautiful memories. You are dream like, but I know you were at some point real; and live in real-time in my mind. Remember how we would bond together in hopes that one day things would return to the way they were? Guess what, we've made it. It's happening, in a way..in THE way I need it to be now. Thank you for never giving up even when it all seem endlessly hopeless.
Love.
Locked myself in the apartment today; filling the silence with Rent and Across the Universe dvds. My skin was cracking as the pent up mixture of anxiety and fear overwhelmed my conscious and physical well being. I felt better breathing in the music and familiarity instead of the wretched mulch outside.
Through multiple mediums I was able to give a memory life; for the first time in years. The warmth and satisfaction I gained was odd. Best word I could comeup with..odd.
The line between dream and reality has been blurred as of late. Is it my dreams are the reality I want, or just a foreshadowing of deja vu..Both valid in a way, because I know the latter has happened. I've learned not to expect anything and in turn I am constantly surprised.
Dear confidence and faith; I miss you. please return to sender. It was stupid and naive to believe I could handle all of this without you. love me.
Dear Recurring Treasured Memories,
Beautiful memories. You are dream like, but I know you were at some point real; and live in real-time in my mind. Remember how we would bond together in hopes that one day things would return to the way they were? Guess what, we've made it. It's happening, in a way..in THE way I need it to be now. Thank you for never giving up even when it all seem endlessly hopeless.
Love.
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