I would thoroughly enjoy to not jinx myself and say that I am better. *golfclap* I'm still going to take it easy today because, I have a tendancy to push things, and I'd rather get a full recovery. Although nauseous, and not really an appetite.. I can sit, smile, and walk again. Heyyooo.
This morning was the last. Whoahoahoa reWIND. the LAST CLINICAL day of the ASN program. Can I get an amen?! Somewhere deep in the south a jolly african woman raised her voice in prayer. Just one more ending, I can get used to.
On the study scale...hah. I should hop back on. My derailment from ailments has really put a wrench in it. Back to the old school days of crunch and win.
I really want to run. but I must wait until tomorrow.
Today however, I will be making a small to do list, to accomplish in order to - yanno- feel accomplished. A very reassuring sentiment. Boring update as of now. but flutter along.
I was, I am, I wish to be: happy.
29 April 2010
27 April 2010
swimming through the lines
MMM.
I'm looking through my saved blurbs in notepad, and I am amazed. I remember typing these things, but not really? I find that when I let loose and type type type; I enter another realm.
Ill leave some snippet for you to enjoy.. or get very afraid.
"Tis the season for skirts and secrets.
I bet theres more hidden behind those sunglasses than just your eyes."
"I wonder what it's like to live under the radar
or in the lyrics of a song.
An inspiration to an artist
or the revenge of another.
"I wonder what happens when you reach the
bottom of the bottle and realize your problems are still there.
Maybe I should be glad the only thing I have to do is wonder."
"To live may be a great sin. As we were taught that sweltering day. For the word itself, speaks the truth. Turn it backwards. and you shall see live = evil"
"If you are alive you're addicted to somthing. Face it, if you have a pulse, your heart- lub dubs- more than just to surivive. What drives you, excites you, bends your kness and has you begging for more? Is it love, money, coffee, affection? The top most common modern addicitons include but are not limited to Facebook, junk food excerise, reality tv, gossip, pretty much whatever. You are an addict."
"Not all addictions are condemned some even commendable."
"
where do you go when you dont belong anywhere
an outcast in your own skin
every enviornment retched;
barren of any strings of comfort."
"It seems I'm allergic to the bullshit your feeding me. "
"blind eyes feel life
deaf ears see beauty
and we who see and hear are
dumb to the beauty in life
simple happinesses granted yet
strangled by restrictions
tamed by rules
to do's how tos and what if's"
Now it's time to go listen to Barb Speak :)
I'm looking through my saved blurbs in notepad, and I am amazed. I remember typing these things, but not really? I find that when I let loose and type type type; I enter another realm.
Ill leave some snippet for you to enjoy.. or get very afraid.
"Tis the season for skirts and secrets.
I bet theres more hidden behind those sunglasses than just your eyes."
"I wonder what it's like to live under the radar
or in the lyrics of a song.
An inspiration to an artist
or the revenge of another.
"I wonder what happens when you reach the
bottom of the bottle and realize your problems are still there.
Maybe I should be glad the only thing I have to do is wonder."
"To live may be a great sin. As we were taught that sweltering day. For the word itself, speaks the truth. Turn it backwards. and you shall see live = evil"
"If you are alive you're addicted to somthing. Face it, if you have a pulse, your heart- lub dubs- more than just to surivive. What drives you, excites you, bends your kness and has you begging for more? Is it love, money, coffee, affection? The top most common modern addicitons include but are not limited to Facebook, junk food excerise, reality tv, gossip, pretty much whatever. You are an addict."
"Not all addictions are condemned some even commendable."
"
where do you go when you dont belong anywhere
an outcast in your own skin
every enviornment retched;
barren of any strings of comfort."
"It seems I'm allergic to the bullshit your feeding me. "
"blind eyes feel life
deaf ears see beauty
and we who see and hear are
dumb to the beauty in life
simple happinesses granted yet
strangled by restrictions
tamed by rules
to do's how tos and what if's"
Now it's time to go listen to Barb Speak :)
26 April 2010
Greetings freaks, and frauds. How are you on this murky Monday? No matter what you think I guarentee it's better than my day. No competition.
Right now, though, I'm finally in my bed! Who knows how long I'll be able to stay in here. I'm not sure if I'm up for my meeting tonight...oh crap I have clinical tomorrow too. Lame.Sausage.
Aside from the aftermath, the SGA Dinner was a lot of fun. I applied for two jobs today.. not really sure if I'll get them but yanno.. it's worth a shot. There's nothing really going on. Everything just hurts. BlehBleh.
I love happy music. Sing me a song, so I may fall asleep. Pictures are funnier. But really, I do:
24 April 2010
There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Sorry tuna, I must leave you for a short short while.
I'm pretty certain I have found the coral root to my, "personal plumbing" issues and internal cyclone as of late. Apparently eating tuna every day, or almost a can a day is not the best things? Little thing called mercury toxicity.. I don't know. But, between that and the eggs, and my veggie cocktail really sends your intestines for a spin. Sorry, I don't care enough to get rid of coffee.
Today was my first day back to work work in the longest time. John and I are hard core party animals and fell asleep at 730..pm.. last night. I woke up with 10 hours under my belt and we ventured to the Wa of Wa's. I figured I could deal with WAWA coffee, because John needed to get gas, and low and behold the cashier gave me FREE morning beverage :). Thanks cashier man man man you are THEE man. After work, I went to visit Kathy. We chatted and caught up &of course I got to see my beautiful baby Noella. I love that little girl with all my heart. GAH. Sorry John you're second to this one.
Now I am refreshed from a shower. This is epic purely because it took 4 people to unlock johns door. I hate that thing. Now.. there's no door handle. Can't wait til either the dog or grandpop wanders in tonight.
Ah, things are ending soon. I cannot wait to swim away.
I'm pretty certain I have found the coral root to my, "personal plumbing" issues and internal cyclone as of late. Apparently eating tuna every day, or almost a can a day is not the best things? Little thing called mercury toxicity.. I don't know. But, between that and the eggs, and my veggie cocktail really sends your intestines for a spin. Sorry, I don't care enough to get rid of coffee.
Today was my first day back to work work in the longest time. John and I are hard core party animals and fell asleep at 730..pm.. last night. I woke up with 10 hours under my belt and we ventured to the Wa of Wa's. I figured I could deal with WAWA coffee, because John needed to get gas, and low and behold the cashier gave me FREE morning beverage :). Thanks cashier man man man you are THEE man. After work, I went to visit Kathy. We chatted and caught up &of course I got to see my beautiful baby Noella. I love that little girl with all my heart. GAH. Sorry John you're second to this one.
Now I am refreshed from a shower. This is epic purely because it took 4 people to unlock johns door. I hate that thing. Now.. there's no door handle. Can't wait til either the dog or grandpop wanders in tonight.
Ah, things are ending soon. I cannot wait to swim away.
21 April 2010
it's a : chocolate wrappers strewn across the floor, lay in bed watching the notebook kinda day... or at least that's how it is mid-way through. The closest I've come? Eating a Reese's egg. Tension lifted a little.
Real coffee soon. Then SGA tonight. Then 730 skills tomrrow. Then 3hour test. Then break. The friday = 4 hour test. Then work Sat/Sun. Then SGA Dinner.
Blend my brain right now. Maybe add some chocolate.
Real coffee soon. Then SGA tonight. Then 730 skills tomrrow. Then 3hour test. Then break. The friday = 4 hour test. Then work Sat/Sun. Then SGA Dinner.
Blend my brain right now. Maybe add some chocolate.
we must constantly overcome and conquer.
This morning did NOT go as planned; regardless of what the secret tell us. I performed CPR on my iPod.. I was terribly afraid it was legit-dead because it wouldn't connect. Luckily with my fantiastic skills I was able to get it to charge. Sync-ing can be done later. Then I was itching for an english muffin, coffee, some cranberry juice. Went to the cafe, no muff BUT golden grahms. ok fair trade. The coffee was so dark, an African would pale in comparision. Gross. So I left, went to Keiss, bought oj, fruit, and coffee. I really really was not aware that it was possible to screw up coffee. Not to mention every person that has sat down next to me either had Starbucks or Wawa. Sad times with my ecotainer of sludge.
This calls for a Starbucks. /rant.
Anywho. Yesterday I finished all of my required writing assignments for the rest of the year. FANtastic news. Now I can just focus on the s word. studystudystudy.
At LowerBucks Behavioral Health unit, each morning the community meeting begins with everyone saying their name, how they're feeling and one goal for the day. No need to hold back. My goal yesterday was to complete my todo list..and I did :)
Hi my name is Bridget; today I'm pretty agitated. My goal for today is to study a good amount, and help anyone I can.
Honesty. Conviction. I already feel less agitated by confessing. Screaming the truth can really be beneficial, don't you agree?
Everything in me wants to go back to bed, wake up and start over... I must overcome and conquer.
The best things come from the darkest places. I really enjoy crouching to disgusting levels, & conversing with the Id and the Superego. Reading material stitched from the thread of these desires and thoughts is like taking a peak in the birthday bag before you're suppose to. We all want to do it, and when we do -we get a little rush. Unlike the birthday bag sneak, however, we don't need to feel guilty for reading. These things are apart of us. It is our duty to dive into this darkness of human nature and life itself, and explore. Ultimately this makes us smarter.
The trick is to avoid getting stuck in these places, and be the light in a dark world. Very dangerous territory.
Slurping through this sludge of coffee, purely for addictive reason, is making me nauseous.
Overcome&conquer
HappyDays.
This calls for a Starbucks. /rant.
Anywho. Yesterday I finished all of my required writing assignments for the rest of the year. FANtastic news. Now I can just focus on the s word. studystudystudy.
At LowerBucks Behavioral Health unit, each morning the community meeting begins with everyone saying their name, how they're feeling and one goal for the day. No need to hold back. My goal yesterday was to complete my todo list..and I did :)
Hi my name is Bridget; today I'm pretty agitated. My goal for today is to study a good amount, and help anyone I can.
Honesty. Conviction. I already feel less agitated by confessing. Screaming the truth can really be beneficial, don't you agree?
Everything in me wants to go back to bed, wake up and start over... I must overcome and conquer.
The best things come from the darkest places. I really enjoy crouching to disgusting levels, & conversing with the Id and the Superego. Reading material stitched from the thread of these desires and thoughts is like taking a peak in the birthday bag before you're suppose to. We all want to do it, and when we do -we get a little rush. Unlike the birthday bag sneak, however, we don't need to feel guilty for reading. These things are apart of us. It is our duty to dive into this darkness of human nature and life itself, and explore. Ultimately this makes us smarter.
The trick is to avoid getting stuck in these places, and be the light in a dark world. Very dangerous territory.
Slurping through this sludge of coffee, purely for addictive reason, is making me nauseous.
Overcome&conquer
HappyDays.
19 April 2010
April Helps Me Write Away
Shut Up.
words are clots
clogging arteries
starving the heart
confusing the brain
just shut up
and breathe in
fill your lungs, though
the damage is done.
irreversible.
An ischemic victory.
Now can we shut up?
let it be?
Walk away and keep walking
before you're caught crawling
hand over knee
bruised and battered
until finally
your words leave you
Breathless.
words are clots
clogging arteries
starving the heart
confusing the brain
just shut up
and breathe in
fill your lungs, though
the damage is done.
irreversible.
An ischemic victory.
Now can we shut up?
let it be?
Walk away and keep walking
before you're caught crawling
hand over knee
bruised and battered
until finally
your words leave you
Breathless.
always remember- never mention a name.
Give me cokebottle glasses, and a pocketprotector because im feeling super nerdy today.
...more like blog-nerdy. So much hyperactivity in such a little body, it's tough to make sure every keystroke is correct. Well enough with the buildup... I guess I should begin.
+ Some days I wonder if I have an embedded- or dormant- 'y' chromosome. Venom filled words can only burn so much, whereas a conversation of fist meets face triggers the majority of senses and enables one to remember. I say this merely because 16year olds had a tendancy this weekend to make that 'y' chromosome active. Ohhh if I were under 18... Let me expand. My sister went to a junior prom this past friday for Judge. She came to GMC so I could do her hair and makeup. I thought she looked pretty. And the pictures on facebook are there to back me up. Then these little twatmunchin bitches who she used to be friends with were down the shore after prom and my sister read texts between these two girls, saying things like how she looked at prom, and shes fat, and fake, and all these things that are making my internal lava boil as I type. My sister, although annoying and an ADHD sufferer (god bless us all) is none of those things, at least not enough to be talked about...I digress. Aside from anger I'm hurt for her because that sucks! Yes she has gained weight but it's not her fault and she doesn't look terrible. She said the weekend got better. Of course she said that. Truth be told no one can pick on Erin except me, and I really don't anymore.
Dear medical world, Find a cure for Venous Reflux, or an etiology, or anything. This whole ticking time bomb of when my 16 year old sister will throw a clot is really not helping the familial ulcer. Thanks. Hugs and Kisses.
Something sticky just magically appeared on my mouse. Ew.
Everyone must try to open the shut door. Just for reassurance that yes the 5 other people waiting by the closed, essentially locked door, did not try to jiggle it just the way you did and the door is really .. locked. Such an observation was made, before I was able to sit and type this all to the blogosphere, in Keiss. LOLgmcstudents.
I would really like it if this strike would end. The look of fear in my mom's eyes yesterday was very very unnerving. Ughhhhhhh. When she worries, it is an invitation to worry. I guess I've alredy RSVP'd.
I want Kevin to come home. RIGHT now. RIGHT RIGHT now. When he's home, everything is better.
Thank the lord I have a Reese's stash because I'm gonna need it, because I'm feeling those feelings of my PossibleManicSession beginning. My advanced apologies.
I leave you with this.. it's time to learn something academic.
...more like blog-nerdy. So much hyperactivity in such a little body, it's tough to make sure every keystroke is correct. Well enough with the buildup... I guess I should begin.
+ Some days I wonder if I have an embedded- or dormant- 'y' chromosome. Venom filled words can only burn so much, whereas a conversation of fist meets face triggers the majority of senses and enables one to remember. I say this merely because 16year olds had a tendancy this weekend to make that 'y' chromosome active. Ohhh if I were under 18... Let me expand. My sister went to a junior prom this past friday for Judge. She came to GMC so I could do her hair and makeup. I thought she looked pretty. And the pictures on facebook are there to back me up. Then these little twatmunchin bitches who she used to be friends with were down the shore after prom and my sister read texts between these two girls, saying things like how she looked at prom, and shes fat, and fake, and all these things that are making my internal lava boil as I type. My sister, although annoying and an ADHD sufferer (god bless us all) is none of those things, at least not enough to be talked about...I digress. Aside from anger I'm hurt for her because that sucks! Yes she has gained weight but it's not her fault and she doesn't look terrible. She said the weekend got better. Of course she said that. Truth be told no one can pick on Erin except me, and I really don't anymore.
Dear medical world, Find a cure for Venous Reflux, or an etiology, or anything. This whole ticking time bomb of when my 16 year old sister will throw a clot is really not helping the familial ulcer. Thanks. Hugs and Kisses.
Something sticky just magically appeared on my mouse. Ew.
Everyone must try to open the shut door. Just for reassurance that yes the 5 other people waiting by the closed, essentially locked door, did not try to jiggle it just the way you did and the door is really .. locked. Such an observation was made, before I was able to sit and type this all to the blogosphere, in Keiss. LOLgmcstudents.
I would really like it if this strike would end. The look of fear in my mom's eyes yesterday was very very unnerving. Ughhhhhhh. When she worries, it is an invitation to worry. I guess I've alredy RSVP'd.
I want Kevin to come home. RIGHT now. RIGHT RIGHT now. When he's home, everything is better.
Thank the lord I have a Reese's stash because I'm gonna need it, because I'm feeling those feelings of my PossibleManicSession beginning. My advanced apologies.
I leave you with this.. it's time to learn something academic.
16 April 2010
look at this photograph; every time i do it just makes me laugh
Facebook: the portal to the past and re-enforcement of how great or shitty your present is. There's been a recent flow of gradeschool friend requests. I am loving it! Grade school was so long ago and it'sfun to see who what where and how people are doing. Fast forward to the next years of schooling; it's interestingt o see what people look like from highschool- those you were friends with, suppose to friends with, and who you NEVER want to see again- it's a comfort to know they got fat[ter]. Now, in college, it's an adventure to see who is engaged? a sloppy mess and an embarrassment; and of course the good things of friend pictures and keeping in touch with those who don't live across the hall☼
I'm nervous, and excited, but mostly stuffy. Sickness is NOT what I want to deal with right now. Not that I have a choice. Please bear with my nasal voice. But, I have so much to prepare for. This whole thing with John is slowly simmering down. I have a weird feeling that things aren't going to work out but I'm trying so hard to prove it wrong. We all have glitch periods. Im praying his stops soon.
After my date with Julie the other day I can't even express how ready I am for summertime and no more school -even though im EXCITED AS ALL HELL for the potential grad school. The easygoing nature was addicting.
Things I don't know: what i'm going to do for work, where ill go to grad school, for what, are me and john going to be ok, is my mom ever going to go back to work, is my sister going to maintain a normal lifestyle, will my brother come home safe and sane, should I reconnect with my dad, apartment,car,school,money, STOP!
First, I need to focus on finals. Step by step I will take this; because it's the only way I know how.Looking for a religion or a faith to believe in because I''m being tested.
Legs don't fail me now.
I'm nervous, and excited, but mostly stuffy. Sickness is NOT what I want to deal with right now. Not that I have a choice. Please bear with my nasal voice. But, I have so much to prepare for. This whole thing with John is slowly simmering down. I have a weird feeling that things aren't going to work out but I'm trying so hard to prove it wrong. We all have glitch periods. Im praying his stops soon.
After my date with Julie the other day I can't even express how ready I am for summertime and no more school -even though im EXCITED AS ALL HELL for the potential grad school. The easygoing nature was addicting.
Things I don't know: what i'm going to do for work, where ill go to grad school, for what, are me and john going to be ok, is my mom ever going to go back to work, is my sister going to maintain a normal lifestyle, will my brother come home safe and sane, should I reconnect with my dad, apartment,car,school,money, STOP!
First, I need to focus on finals. Step by step I will take this; because it's the only way I know how.Looking for a religion or a faith to believe in because I''m being tested.
Legs don't fail me now.
12 April 2010
spacey.
I can't remember class. I don't remember leaving the dorm, but I did remember to grab my keys. My body is fighting to sleep. lay down it screams. I haven't been able to eat solid food, without it clawing it's way through my body, since friday. Last registered food: subway sandwich 530pm yesterday.
I can't even handle coffee.
In the meanwhile, I am just drinking clear fluids.
I hate this. I want a cheesesteak, or something. I'm to the point where any thought of food makes me wanna high tail to the nearest porcelain goddess.
In better news, I only have to do a process recording for clinical tomorrow. Maybe I should get on that.
Dinner Dance was a fantastic time. Loved my dress, and pictures are too funny to mention. The reality shock of having 30+/-4 days til graduation is a bittersweet feeling. Stoked- to say the least, scared as a median and down right petrified at the apex of the emotional tree.
i have to force relaxation right now.
Glee TOMORROW. awesome.
everything else I want to say, I cant remember. Not a fan.
I can't even handle coffee.
In the meanwhile, I am just drinking clear fluids.
I hate this. I want a cheesesteak, or something. I'm to the point where any thought of food makes me wanna high tail to the nearest porcelain goddess.
In better news, I only have to do a process recording for clinical tomorrow. Maybe I should get on that.
Dinner Dance was a fantastic time. Loved my dress, and pictures are too funny to mention. The reality shock of having 30+/-4 days til graduation is a bittersweet feeling. Stoked- to say the least, scared as a median and down right petrified at the apex of the emotional tree.
i have to force relaxation right now.
Glee TOMORROW. awesome.
everything else I want to say, I cant remember. Not a fan.
09 April 2010
let's be infinite.
I think tonight when I go home I will dig out my Perks of Being a Wallflower and re-read it tomorrow at work. I am eager to see what I will pluck out and appreciate now, that I have'nt visited the world of Charlie in 3-4 years.
Last night while I was in the shower, I was convinced there was a tremendous thunder storm outside that I could hear in the community bathroom or someone was attempting to have sex in the shower upstairs. Mystery of the moment. ( I could care less which turned out true, but at the time I was giggling and afraid. An awkward combo.)
Can I just express how Gleedy I am. Can I tell you how disgustingly punning I am. I apologize. It's an addiction. Once I start the puns and think I'm funny, when I'm not, it hurts to stop. I digress. Let's map out what lies between me and sprinting to get my ASN on May 15th as of right now..
Last night while I was in the shower, I was convinced there was a tremendous thunder storm outside that I could hear in the community bathroom or someone was attempting to have sex in the shower upstairs. Mystery of the moment. ( I could care less which turned out true, but at the time I was giggling and afraid. An awkward combo.)
Can I just express how Gleedy I am. Can I tell you how disgustingly punning I am. I apologize. It's an addiction. Once I start the puns and think I'm funny, when I'm not, it hurts to stop. I digress. Let's map out what lies between me and sprinting to get my ASN on May 15th as of right now..
- 3Finals
- 1Religion Paper
- 3Process Recordings
- 1Psych Paper
- 2Hesi Exams
- 1Hesi Exit Exam.
- Week Hesi Class
Beautiful List. Simply stunning.
Tomorrow I have work and then it is time for the year long anticipated DinnerDance. I'm pretty pumped to get all dressed up and celebrate. I miss my boyfriend because I rarely see him any more.
I really enjoy picking the human brain and it's workings. Getting a different view of life, and such is interesting. Maybe that's why I like my BH rotation.
Life is going well; depending on what you interpretation of well is. There are more checks in the positive column then the negative. I guess that counts for something.
To avoid any ramblings, I'll store my good mood and move along.
Be happy, stay healthy.
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