04 January 2010

They actually loved me.

OOh my my my my my my my. Today I decided to throw out things. Such things included old old notes, and drawings, and books and crap just laying around. I would need a week maybe even a month to go through EVERYTHING..but today was ohkay.

I found, love letters of sorts. They were actually notes, but their content made my jaw drop. I remember getting these notes. These authors, actually loved me, in highschool before I was 16. Whaaaaattt. Yeah. Strange. At the time I had no idea, and I wound up with, mm neither of them.
But I do remember. A knot in my stomach unleashed and I remember what it was like. The pure bliss. Very young adult fiction novel feelings.

my kidneys are DEFINITLY working.

Diner's are the best. Especially because they supply free/endless refills of coffee and water. Add some french onion soup fruit cocktail and a couple of friends then you have my night in a nutshell. It was fabulous. The Dining Car, a classic 24/7 diner, was a time warp where Lauren Brian and myself caught up on everything in life at the moment, and ended it with a rockout.

I'm slightly nauseous. Yeh I know, typical. Not quite sure it it's the mounds of coffee and water, or the thought of dipping into the past and dragging some things to the present. Maybe a mixture of both.

Thanks Taylor Swift for writing 15 and stirring thoughts and forcing me to bring up things that matter, to me. I started off the new year nervous, for what I couldn't tell ya. I just know I'm taking baby steps and taking risks, and I wanna projectile vomit everywhere. However, I doubt french onion tastes the same the second time around.

I feel inspired and uninspired at the same time. I thought last year was a limbo, but DAMN. I feel stuck in a purgatory. It's like im reaching towards the future, but my stubby arms are just to short and when I tippy toe to reach, it fades away. Again, and again. My dreams are NOT helping. I am just so un sure about absolutly everything. Like I realized tonight however, in 5 years, this nausea and worry will.not.matter. Just the things I did that will lead me to where I will be. Am I making the right choices?

I'm taking leaps but will not dare speak of them right now. Because I might jinx it.
Supersitious? You Betcha.