If you're not seasoned in the realm of positive thinking, then keeping upbeat can be a day to day challenge. Most people want to be happy. Some even look for happiness in the most random of places, and yes it can be found but that is not where it originates. We hear that happiness and satisfaction comes from within; and more often then not it sounds like a crock of shit. I'm here to say I really think I've knicked the tip (more like I've stubbed my toe ) off the idea and I don't want to lose it.
The thoughts, I want to be happy, why can't I be happy? and the list of a) b) c) d) asnwers flow on and on and on.. but you just need to STOP. and let go. For some reason this came to me. I am happy, and in my great journey of finding happiness and things that will make life this great thing - I'm missing the components that are making it real and fantastic- now. It's tough to really put into words what I mean... so if you understand..awesome. Now I just need to hang on for dear life and keep this going.
What's stopping me from being happy? That's the real question. My answer? Well, it's easier to find negative things so I'll say nothing. Really what is STOPPING you from being happy.
I do work on being positive everyday. I'm not a negative person. I know I'm not, but the dark side is so tempting.
I have my dream part time job. I am refraining from bursting at the seams with details and such because the novelty may wear off. At this point however, the perks outweigh the negatives. In leiu of my new position, I'm gonna learn self defense and buy pepper spray. I've never been this excited gah! I just hope the monetary reward is at least half of what I was doing in the hospital. Money doesnt make you happy, but oh it helps you survive.
There are soo many terrible things happening in the world today. Journalists disappearing, the internet may be getting restraints and need to pay, my fucking dog almost killed me today.
I like sweet tea, so I'm gonna go read some inspirational blogs, start watching True Blood finally, and read some more in hopes to hang out with Johnny boy later.
They better get used to it, because you're not going anywhere. <3
05 August 2010
02 August 2010
Now.
Monday Morning. A humid film is settling, enveloping the cool-off from last night. Last night was a particular struggle to get to sleep, but after Shark Week, and the discovery of Indieplex[!] I watched Romeo&Juliet until I could coerce my mind to rest. I was actually excited to wake up early.
My first healthy decision was to have oatmeal with my meds. I usually like oatmeal with some cranberries but the blandness tasted super super bland. With the lack of taste buds, water even has a foreign taste. Oh well! One good decision leads to another. That's a new train I'm trying to ride. CHOO.
The weekend is a phantom to me at the moment. Time as it was happening was moving irregularly like when you're having a good time. Then once the inbetweens caught up with you, it drug on. The Brooks&Dunn Concert was fantastic. The "Last Rodeo". Now I don't really listen to them. But I soon recognized songs and learned to love a few others. Fireworks capped the night and consequently I discovered a new setting on my camera. woop! I can say how much of a sap I am. During "Only in a America" they brought out several members of each of the military branches to salute on stage and displayed a HUGE streamer, confetti, light bergade. There was not one person on their ass. Standing, jumping, cheering, saluting, USA chanting commenced. It was awesome. I have never seen that many people on the lawn for a paid concert. XTU was insane but that was free.
After, John and I went to Brigantine to see some lovely faces and essentially end the summer where we all began- On the beach at 3am, some in, some out of the water. My skin did alright, but my body internally collapsed a couple times. Whatever. I'm not sure how I feel about this school year starting, and I'm not going to waste time on it. Like all beginnings, the potential dancing in the shadows outshines the dreadfulness and the drama. This year is my Last Rodeo, and I intend on making it a wild standing ovation Ride.
Next on my list, Yoga and a run.
My first healthy decision was to have oatmeal with my meds. I usually like oatmeal with some cranberries but the blandness tasted super super bland. With the lack of taste buds, water even has a foreign taste. Oh well! One good decision leads to another. That's a new train I'm trying to ride. CHOO.
The weekend is a phantom to me at the moment. Time as it was happening was moving irregularly like when you're having a good time. Then once the inbetweens caught up with you, it drug on. The Brooks&Dunn Concert was fantastic. The "Last Rodeo". Now I don't really listen to them. But I soon recognized songs and learned to love a few others. Fireworks capped the night and consequently I discovered a new setting on my camera. woop! I can say how much of a sap I am. During "Only in a America" they brought out several members of each of the military branches to salute on stage and displayed a HUGE streamer, confetti, light bergade. There was not one person on their ass. Standing, jumping, cheering, saluting, USA chanting commenced. It was awesome. I have never seen that many people on the lawn for a paid concert. XTU was insane but that was free.
After, John and I went to Brigantine to see some lovely faces and essentially end the summer where we all began- On the beach at 3am, some in, some out of the water. My skin did alright, but my body internally collapsed a couple times. Whatever. I'm not sure how I feel about this school year starting, and I'm not going to waste time on it. Like all beginnings, the potential dancing in the shadows outshines the dreadfulness and the drama. This year is my Last Rodeo, and I intend on making it a wild standing ovation Ride.
Next on my list, Yoga and a run.
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