it's nice to not forget.

I've decided it's all about the company.

I came home yesterday to an empty house, so I did the most natural thing- took a nap in my own bed. My dog jumped up to cuddle/lay on top of me and I fell asleep. I wokeup a few times because he was scared to jump out. Big Baby. Then my mom and sister came home, and I didnt realize my brother was sleeping in his room... first family bicker screaming fight. Home at last.

 Last night, my siblings and I went to see Harry Potter, and I had soo much fun. I don't remember it being that good the first time.

This morning I fell back into my pre-boards  routine. Love it. Wake up, go for a run, eat some grub, relish in some thoughts and begin the day. I'm taking it a little slower and still relishing it up. People are flying, and traveling about today.. I get to watch my mom pace around the house like a caged rabid tiger because the rug people are late. THAT is my cue to leave soon...


Last night I sat and talked to Erin about Kairos. I dug into my closet to get out my letters and I could finally show her some of my stuff, including the 4page letter from that boy and I read her some of my speech for Love in Action. I re read some of the letters...even the one from him. First taste of love, and lesson that time does heal wounds..it really does..even if it takes 5years. I think it was a first for him and I; I know for a fact that he couldn't fathom someone caring about him that much, and vice versa. Was it true love? I dont know nor care about labeling love. It was what it was.  Our demons were too similar and he was dragging me down, hard and fast.

Time. It mends.
Eventually.


I don't feel as torn anymore; at least I think. During my run earlier I realized I am the weakest out of my siblings. We are very similar, uus three..including our constant need to pee during movies. But I found I am the weakest..or most afraid. Yes I am strong in some areas,  and strong headed in other but overall I'm a wimp. Plain an simple. I'm afraid to make decisions and leave people. I try. I'm getting better. I think being at school makes me super scattered. When I was home in the summer, preparing for boards I was determined, strong willed, ready and moving. Now? Where am I going? Who should I rely on? Who the HELL do I believe when I'm told one thing and they go and do another.. lie.. and tell me it's not what they want. Wimp. That's what I am. But it's ok :) because I know.

In need to shower and re read some books, or start of something new..


Yes. I think it's time for some new.