You see me shaking; but i stand with my head held high.

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18.

It's surprising the things I've turned to, and the people who have risen from the shadows these past few days. (Were they always there and I was just blind? ). In all seriousness, in talking to certain people, including madre, and the question of what I believe in came up. I believe in happiness and working hard, and that people really are good somehow but spiritually/religiously Ive avoided it. That's my new journey. Find something to believe in. Could take DECADES but  at least I'm curious. I love proverbs, and lines from the Bible [yes biddy read the bible and the world did not implode]; why did it help? Why when I opened it the opening quote was there. Now I will nevvverr be a bible beater, maybe not even Christian.. but I believe in words. 

I believe words hurt, and soothe. They comfort and reassure. They have the ability show bravery and character.

Marianne is dying; actually she's been dying and I've mentioned it briefly..but..she made it to Nicole's wedding, and now her bones are brittle. She cannot stand because her legs are shattering. The cancer is killing her. She layed out the law of what she wants at her funeral. She is ready. Although we have all been preparing; you never can prepare enough for life shattering events. Especially when you grew up with her. God DAMNIT, it drives me crazy how people can do and act certain ways for no reason. No legit reason, and when you step back and look it doesn't even matter.

Take your best friend you met at college. Picture yourselves and your friends going on trips, drinking til you cant stand without eachother, the laughs , fights, tears, family dinners, weddings.. then for 3 years watch them deteriorate and you cant do anything but be there. Watch them be taken halfway down the church aisle at your wedding in a wheelchair and walk the rest because that's how good of friends you are. Then, when they cant even go to the bathroom themself, you and your friends lift them so they dont have to wear diapers.

Cherish the ones you have. Forgive. Move on. Smile. Love your family and friends...because God...who knows what will happen...

Hi does not kill and hugs make things better.

I'm starting to love myself again...whoever that is...and I love you, and you, and you.
You too.