Happy New Year. Well the year is off to new changes right away. Time doesn't wait, and even when you have this plan of how things will go...well... they just change. New Years EveI went to my friend Steph's apt in Bethlehem with John.. something happened with my friend Vince [he was rude and vile] and John got really angry and wanted to leave. He did AT 1205. I should have gone with him, as his girlfriend, but I didn't.
Yesterday it was solidified, and agreed upon that we just don't belong together. We aren't 18&19 anymore and have grown significantly and evidently grew apart. We want different things and we couldn't change each other like we thought. As a result of frustration we couldnt talk to one another and brought out the worst in each other..I've known this for a while, but didn't wanna make a change. I know he has been thinking about it too...just never brought it up again. Well, we are done. And no matter HOW much it WILL be ok and better for us in the long run....it hurts so bad right now. All the amazing things we did and how he made me feel are surfacing..but I need to stop chasing the ghost of what we were...I will..I will be ok with time. No matter how much mental preparation you think you have, it doesnt prepare you for the reality. I love him. He is my first for a lot. He was my best friend for 3years. He saved my life Freshman year. I will never forget him for that and a part of me will always love him.
I also started driving. My mom said she was impressed and was convinced I drove before..I haven't ..who would let me hahaha. Kevin went back to CO. If he doesn't get a pass in May, he won't be home til Thanksgiving. Meh.
For now I just need to surround myself with positivity. I need to restablish my actual friendships..every relationship has suffered. I need to focus on the future and get myself together. Everything will be ok. &I hope John and I can be friends. Not yet obviously, but someday I hope so.
No comments:
Post a Comment